55 Condom Puns

Condom puns add a touch of humor to a topic that is often approached with seriousness. They often play on the double meanings or associations of words related to protection, safety, or intimacy

Whether it’s the idea of a ‘love glove’ or the notion of ‘safety wrap,’ these 55 Best Condom Puns remind us that safe sex can be both important and amusing.”

55 Best Condom Puns

when i was in school, my biology teacher had to give us the facts of life talk. during one of the lessons he had to show us how to put on a condom. it was really embarrassing, waiting for him to get hard.
why did the blonde guy put ice in his condom?a: to keep the swelling down.
why did the guitarist keep his condoms in his guitar case?he only needed them after he’d opened it.
why did the condom become an astronaut? it wanted to explore new frontiers of protection.
why did the condom become an artist? it wanted to create masterpieces with protection.
condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
what are the disadvantages of condoms?
it pokes holes in condoms.
what’s the difference between condoms and coffins? they’re both full of stiffs, only one’s coming while the other is going.
what’s the best form of protection when you don’t have a condom?a fake name
what’s a condom’s favorite winter sport? bob-sledding, because it’s all about going down safely.
my son asked me, “dad, what are condoms used for?” i said, “usually to avoid answering questions like this one.”
you can’t reuse condoms. roll on a new condom every time you have vaginal, oral, or anal sex. you should also use a new condom if you switch from one kind of sex to another (like anal to vaginal).
why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?a: so she can have a doggie bag for later.
how does the stork bring babies?it pokes holes in condoms.
why did the condom start learning computer programming? it wanted to develop secure coding.
son: “dad, what are condoms used for ?” dad: “to avoid such questions.”
what separates the men from the boys in the catholic church?a condom.
what do you call a condom’s favorite exercise? protection planks.
why is paying your car insurance like wearing a condom? they both give you a feeling of security even though you know you’re getting messed!
did you hear about the condom that went to art school? it really knows how to draw the line.
what do you call a condom in a hurry? a “quickie” shield.
what’s worse than getting 7 years of bad luck from breaking a mirror?getting a lifetime of bad luck from breaking a condom.
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condoms… ppe for the peepee….
don’t be a condumb, use a condom
what did the condom say to the banana? “i’ve got you covered, buddy.”
i went to a condom factory, but it was a real letdown.
girl, when a guy swears he doesn’t need to wear a condom, don’t fall for it… … don’t kid yourself.
why did the condom become a firefighter? it wanted to be on the front lines of safety.
when i walked to the register with the condoms the clerk asked “would you like a bag?i replied “no, she’s not that ugly”
why did the condom start a book club? it wanted to discuss “wrap literature.”
this young man walks into the chemist to buy some condoms. the cashier, after explaining that the condoms come in packs of 3, 9, and 12, asked him what pack size he wanted.
why don’t brazilians wear condoms?because they all pull out.
what’s the difference between a condom and the space-time continuum?there wasn’t a hole in my dad’s space-time continuum.
how about if i put a balloon over it?would you touch it then ” -guy who invented condoms
my son asked me, “dad, what are condoms used for?” me: usually to avoid answering such questions.
why did the condom go to the casino? it wanted to play safe bets.
what do you call a condom’s favorite dessert? a protected pie.
why don’t gypsies use condoms ?they have crystal balls so they see it coming.
what type of condoms does ronald mcdonald use?mcribbed
what did the condom say to the needle? “don’t even think about pricking me!”
when do catholics allow the use of condoms?when the choir boys have diarrhea.
why did the condom enroll in cooking classes? it wanted to be a master of wrap.
after you ejaculate (cum), hold onto the rim of the condom and pull your penis out of your partner’s body.
what do you call a condom’s favorite fruit? a protected berry.
put a condom on your dink before you dart it in her sink
below are the 60 catchy condom slogans. share them with your friends.
if you refuse to wear condoms, you’re gonna have a dad time
why did the condom start practicing archery? it wanted to hit the bull’s-eye of safety.
what did the condom say to the cell phone? “let’s practice safe calling.”
why don’t catholics wear condoms?because little boys can’t get pregnant.
what do you call a condom’s favorite game? “wrap-scotch!”
what do you call a condom that loves to travel? a globe-trotting wrapper.
why did the condom start practicing meditation? it wanted to find inner peace during intense moments.