135 Vampire Puns for Those Who Aspire to Be Forever Amused

best funny vampire Puns
Written by Fuuny Puns Team

Vampire Puns are a form of humor that revolves around the mythical creature, the vampire. These puns utilize various elements linked with vampires such as their famed love for blood, their nocturnal nature, their aversion to garlic, and their inability to see themselves in mirrors, among others.

The puns also play on the double meanings of words and phrases, making them a fun and engaging form of humor. For instance, phrases like “new blood” may refer to both a vampire’s diet and the introduction of fresh ideas or people into a situation. Similarly, “stake” could mean both a wooden weapon used to kill vampires and a share or interest in a business or project.

The diversity of themes demonstrates the versatility of 135 Best Vampire Puns, making them a fun way to explore the fascinating world of vampires.

135 Best Vampire Puns

  1. how come vampires are portrayed to be porcelain white even though the original vampire, vlad dracula, was quite swarthy? must be his nickname.
  2. what kind of restaurants do vampires avoid? steak-houses.
  3. what’s the difference between a lich and a vampire? one’s a necromancer. the other, a neck-romancer.
  4. “i stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed devil itself… my wife rushes through the room and shouts, ‘you’re supposed to give them candies, frank!’
  5. robert pattinson is an awful vampire it took him 11 years to figure out how to turn into a bat
  6. why do vampires usually pull out during sex? they can’t come inside without an invitation.
  7. i’d advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a halloween party. they never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
  8. i asked a vampire if i could borrow some money. he told me he needed to go to the blood bank.
  9. what did the garlic say to the vampire? want a pizza of me? you coward!
  10. so a vampire goes to a job interview and the interviewer asks him where he sees himself in 5 years.the vampire pauses and thinks before saying,”you tell me. i haven’t seen myself in a mirror in over 500 years.”
  11. did you know that africa has had no vampires since 1982? that’s the year that toto blessed the rains there.
  12. a vampire’s favorite fruit is a blood orange.
  13. what’s a vampire’s favourite fast food? a person with high blood pressure.
  14. why are vampires evil?they can’t ever reflect on who they are.
  15. what do vegans and vampires have in common?they both won’t eat steak.
  16. don’t get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
  17. what is worse than a hungry vampire?a thirsty vampire.
  18. when do ideas kill vampires? when they dawn upon them.
  19. what fast food do vampires crave the most?joggers.
  20. that vampire who died of a broken heart loved in vein.
  21. the other day i felt like i sucked. a vampire cheered me up and told me that we all get drained every so often.
  22. what do you call the viking who was bitten by a vampire? norseferatu.
  23. what’s a vampire’s favorite type of music?a: “blood”-thirsty tunes.
  24. what type of cheese vampires consume?a: munster. aged to perfection, just like them.
  25. vampire dads are bad for business. they don’t get along with the stakeholders.
  26. heard about the vampire who was locked up in an asylum?he went batty.
  27. i felt stupid dressing up on halloween after i’d turned 13. i thought people might say i was a little bit long on the tooth to still be pretending to be a vampire.
  28. every vampire has some guidelines to live (or un-live) by. here’s a whimsical take on vampire etiquette.
  29. what do you call a vampire from non-fiction?a: a real pain in the neck.
  30. why do vampires need cold medicine?
  31. sunburn for a vampire? that’s a grave problem.
  32. what did the polite vampire say after his meal? a: fang you for dinner
  33. what do you call a vampire who went to the beach?ash.
  34. i knew a vampire who became a poet. he went from bat to verse.
  35. to travel across water, vampires ride blood vessels.
  36. when it rains, vampires simply turn into blood puddles.
  37. how are vampires like false teeth?they both come out at night.
  38. vampires like nothing more than sucking blood, it’s safe to say they’re a total pain in the neck.
  39. the local vampire society is constantly growing. they are always looking for new blood.
  40. what is a vampire’s favorite beer?a: bloodweiser.
  41. what’s a vampire’s favorite exercise? cardio-vascular workouts.
  42. how did the vampire feel when he was partying at the club? he had a bloody good time.
  43. how do you stop a vampire from breeding?don’t give it permission to come inside.
  44. (nsfw)what must a vampire ask before he has sex? is it alright if i cum inside?
  45. how can you tell that a vampire likes baseball? a: every night he turns into a bat.
  46. what did the syracuse football fan vampire eat during halftime? a: a blood orange.
  47. why are vampires computer experts? they know all about bytes.
  48. why can’t you get pregnant from having sex with a vampire? because they need permission to come inside
  49. maybe i should add my name at the local vampire association since they are looking for new blood.
  50. what’s a vampire’s favorite time of day? fang o’clock.
  51. how can you tell that a vampire has an over-bite? a: they need to go on a diet…
  52. why do vampires love the south?because of all the red necks.
  53. what is a vampire’s favorite building in new york?a: the vampire state building.
  54. vampires tend to stay away from taylor swift. i’ve been told it’s because she has bad blood.
  55. why do vampires chew gum?because they have bat breath.
  56. how do you defeat a vampire using eggs?serve ‘em sunny side up.
  57. what kind of beer does a vampire drink? bloodweiser
  58. i knew a vampire who became a poet.
  59. how do you apologize to a vampire? say you’re “sorry” for the “stake” of the matter.
  60. why don’t vampires use autocorrect? because they love type os.
  61. where is all the money of vampires kept by them?a: in the blood bank. smart savings, i must say.
  62. what’s the difference between a vampire and an umpire? one sucks the life out a person, the other sucks the life out a game.
  63. the dance that a spanish vampire likes the most is the fang-dango.
  64. why don’t vampires just eat juicy meats full of blood?too much cholesterol can get them a steak through the heart.
  65. why did the vampire fall in love with the wizard? because the wizard was a neck-romancer.
  66. i sucked a vampire’s blood once?• it was ironic.
  67. what do you call a vampire who owns a bar? drac-tender!
  68. there’s a vampire that only feeds off the blood of menstruating women. his name is cunt dracula!
  69. how do you invite a vampire to a party? “join us, it’ll be a bloody good time!”
  70. what is eaten by vampires for breakfast?a: ready neck. a quick bite to start the day.
  71. what does a vampire and a person who wears a mask have in common? they both can’t see their face in the mirror.
  72. do you know the vampire with one fang?a: the vampire just had to smile and bare it. still charming, i suppose.
  73. why was the vampire artist so famous? a: because he was great at drawing blood.
  74. where would you find a vampire eating their meal? at the casketeria.
  75. why did the vampire go to the dentist?he had a fang-ache.
  76. how are vampires like false teeth?they both come out at night.
  77. how can you tell if a vampire likes baseball? a: the night that he goes into a bat.
  78. why did the vampire always carry mouthwash? to get rid of the bat breath.
  79. why did the vampire’s head pop? a: he bit someone with high blood pressure
  80. what do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher? a: lots of blood tests.
  81. what do you call a vampire who’s been on a diet? a blood-light.
  82. why did the vampire refuse to play hide and seek? because he always found himself too easily.
  83. why was the vampire always invited to parties? because he was a “fang”-tastic dancer.
  84. what’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
  85. why are vampires so naive?a: because they are born suckers.
  86. why are vampires like artificial teeth? they come out at night.
  87. what is a vampire’s favorite dessert?you scream and i scream.
  88. vampires can always count on me.
  89. how did one vampire give covid to the other one? by coffin on him.
  90. why don’t vampires have money? because they’re always broke-neck!
  91. why did the vampire quit his job as a bank teller? he kept sucking up all the liquid assets!
  92. you don’t want to have a partnership with a vampire because they are a pain in the neck.
  93. what’s your vampire dad’s favourite beer? bloodweiser.
  94. what shakespeare play a vampire like the most?a: a midsummer bite’s dream. shakespearean humor, with a bite.
  95. vampires always seem like they’re ill. it’s probably because they’re always coffin.
  96. why don’t vampires like mosquitos?too much competition.
  97. why did the vampire sit on the pumpkin? a: he wanted to play squash
  98. vampires tend to stay away from taylor swift. i’ve been told it’s because she has bad blood.
  99. vampires are great at math because they’re natural counters.
  100. what is a vampire’s favorite fast food?a person with very high blood pressure.
  101. what does the doctor vampire say when he calls up a patient? “necks please!”
  102. how do you stop a vampire from biting his nails?a: give him a “stake” to chew on.
  103. what holiday vampires like the most?a: fangs-giving. a time for family “bites.”
  104. saw my vampire friend yesterday; he seemed light-headed.
  105. a popular vampire themed toy is the lego monster fighters vampyre castle — but you can also find individual minifigures like lord vampire the lego vampire bride. while we’re at it, the lego monster fighters ghost train is pretty cool, too!
  106. what do you call a vampire who’s a comedian? a “stand-up” guy.
  107. what is a vampire’s favorite fruit to eat when they need vitamin c? blood oranges.
  108. why did the vampire go to the blood bank?he needed to make a withdrawal!
  109. heard about the vampire who was locked up in an asylum?he went batty.
  110. i know a poet who is a vampire. he went from bat to verse.
  111. did you hear about the vampire who thought he was a violinist?his bach was worse than his bite.
  112. what did the ancient vampire say to the mirror?a: “is this thing on?”
  113. what do you call a vampire with a bachelors in computer science cout << “dracula”;
  114. how do you say bye to a vampire? so long sucker
  115. what did the ancient vampire say to the mirror?“is this thing on?”
  116. vampires make awful businessmen. they just can’t deal with the stakeholders.
  117. what do vampires usually call their boats? blood vessel.
  118. how do vampires get into houses?through the bat flap!
  119. why was the local vampire club getting bigger constantly? they are always out for new blood.
  120. what fruit vampires like the most?a: a blood orange. tangy and bloody!
  121. what do vegans and vampires have in common?a: they both won’t eat steak.
  122. why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend?a: because she wasn’t his blood type.
  123. what do you call a vampire with asthma?vlad in the inhaler!
  124. where do vampires go fishing? in the bloodstream.
  125. where do vampires take their showers? in a bat tub.
  126. what holiday does a vampire appreciate the most? fangs-giving.
  127. why did a vampire join the circus?to become an acrobat.
  128. where do vampires not look that scary? on reflection.
  129. college-age vampires only ever shop in one place – forever 21.
  130. if you’re wondering if someone’s become a vampire, there’s an easy way to tell. a true vampire is always coffin.
  131. what do the pips and a vampire have in common?a: they’re both glad-it’s night.
  132. how many vampires showed up to the garlic-eating competition? i don’t know; they were countless.
  133. what’s a vampire’s least favorite song?a: “another one bites the dust.”
  134. a person was stealing while on the shoulders of two vampires. he was charged for shoplifting on two counts.
  135. why don’t vampires spend much money at restaurants? a: because they eat necks to nothing!

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About the author

Fuuny Puns Team

With a shared love for puns, we come together to create content that will leave you laughing and entertained. Our team members have a knack for finding the perfect puns for any occasion and enjoy sharing them with our readers. From witty one-liners to clever wordplay, we strive to bring you the best puns and humor that will brighten your day.