65 Vasectomy Puns that Will Have You Splitting Sides, Not Sperms

Vasectomy puns play with ideas around pregnancy, suggesting a vasectomy causes changes like the baby’s skin color or even failing to prevent pregnancy completely.

Several puns personify the vas deferens or use wordplay related to cutting tubes/pipes. The humor ultimately derives from crass, exaggerated implications about vasectomies and funny takes on associated medical terminology.

Popular vasectomy pun themes include implying a vasectomy leads to impotence or lack of masculinity, often with phrases like “losing your balls” or questioning manhood. Puns also joke about post-vasectomy pain, discomfort, or awkwardness, for example “feeling a little snippy.” Euphemisms like “shooting blanks” or “firing blanks” are commonly used to joke about infertility after the procedure.

65 Best Vasectomy Puns

1. failure pregnancy after a vasectomy: is it possible?recanalization after a vasectomy: definition, probability and more
2. what do you call it when arnold schwarzenegger gets his vasectomy reversed?scrotal re-ball.
3. what do alex baldwin and a failed vasectomy have in common?they aren’t firing blanks.
4. turns out my vasectomy didn’t stop us from having more kids, it just made them a different colour.
5. what do you call a mexican with a vasectomy?
6. why did the old black man wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy?“cause if i gonna be impotent, i better look impotent, too.”
7. my doctor told me to wear tight underwear after my vasectomy. but i don’t have the balls to try that!
8. my uncle got a vasectomy, but couldn’t afford to pay the medical bill… so the finance company came to his house and knocked up my aunt.
9. you may be shooting blanks but you still have perfect aim, so with a vasectomy you’re still the same!
10. wife told me if i really didn’t want anymore kids to get a vasectomy all it did was change the color of our next one.
11. what do you call when a man from a royal family gets a vasectomy?nobles (no balls).
12. my boss thought that getting a vasectomy would keep his wife from getting pregnant. all it did was change the color of the baby.
13. scheduled my vasectomy today, and my wife will be recovering from our last baby. i’m sure no one will find this as funny as i did.
14. a southern gentleman shows up for his vasectomy wearing a tuxedo the doctor asks “why are you dressed like that?””if i’m going to be impotent, i want to look impotent.”
15. i had a vasectomy because i didn’t want to have kids. but when i came back home, they were still there.
16. are you worried about the vasectomy affecting your sexual performance? your wife told me it can’t get any worse.
17. is the idea of a vasectomy care package kind of weird? sure, it’s not for everyone! but the original tiktok is just a sweet, funny gesture, and any backlash is an unfortunate symptom of going unexpectedly viral online.
18. i’m nervous about my vasectomy tomorrow – i just hope the doctor doesn’t botch the job and leave my vas deferens!
19. home vasectomy testspermcheck vasectomy test kit
20. i got a vasectomy but my gf still got pregnant. apparently, all a vasectomy does is change the color of the baby.
21. after my vasectomy, i asked the doctor, “will i still be able to enjoy sex like i used to?” he chuckled and said, “yes, everything will be working just the same as before, only you won’t have to worry about any accidental pregnancies.” i smiled and said, “accidental? they were all accidental!”
22. if you schedule your vasectomy for october 31st, the doctor will give you the “hollow-weenie” discount!
23. i had a vasectomy today, and my wife keeps asking how i feel… i’ve had to tell her over and over that it’s not that bad, and that i don’t notice much of a vas deferens.
24. how can you tell the difference between a man who’s had a vasectomy and one that hasn’t? you can’t, so stop worrying about it.
25. i asked my buddy how his vasectomy went. he shook his head and said, “it was horrible. right before the procedure, the doctor came in and said ‘okay, time to start cutting your tubes!’ i got so nervous that my legs slammed shut and i accidentally clocked the doctor right in the face!”
26. did you hear about the doctor who botched a vasectomy? he missed and got the sack- make sure you give everything a look over before you’re discharged!
27. i had vasectomy so my wife wouldn’t get pregnant… but apparently all it does is change the color of your baby
28. the first recorded vasectomy was performed in 1823 by drs. george and james moriarty on an englishman named john bellhouse. the procedure was not popularized, however, until the 20th century when it began to be used as a form of population control in some countries.
29. what do you call it when arnold schwarzenegger gets his vasectomy reversed? scrotal re-ball.
30. most people say it’s not too bad to get a vasectomy. i got one yesterday and it really hurt. i guess there’s a vas deference between people’s responses to the procedure.
31. i just got a vasectomy i feel like it’s a big change, but i don’t feel a vas deferens.
32. did you hear about the first doctor to perform a vasectomy? he got the ball rolling…
33. stacy: i have to be very careful, i just can’t get pregnant now.tiffany: didn’t your husband get a vasectomy?stacy: exactly!
34. post-vasectomy pain syndrome: common but hidden
35. i love it when you smile, and knowing that you got a vasectomy for me keeps me smiling. rest well.
36. a doctor accidentally emailed the results of all his vasectomy patients to everyone on the internet. they were publicly desemenated.
37. i’m not looking forward to my vasectomy. i have a feeling it’s going to be nuts!
38. i didn’t think a vasectomy would change my life that much… but it’s a vas deferens.
39. told my wife i got a vasectomy and she said “are you serious?” yup – i’m not kidding you
40. i asked my friend how his vasectomy went. he said, “it was nuts!”
41. so i got a vasectomy… turns out it just changes the colour of the baby.
42. congratulations on your successful vasectomy! i hope your doctor had a steadier hand than your barber.
43. i tried to reassure my nervous friend before his vasectomy. “it’s just a simple snip, over in 5 minutes,” i said. later, when i saw him bawling after the procedure, i realized there’s nothing simple about getting your scrotum sliced open.
44. what do you call a discount on circumcision and vasectomy at the same time?a package deal.
45. get ready for everyone to call you snow ball, because you’re going to have ice on your groin for a while after your vasectomy.
46. my wife said the sex after my vasectomy changed dramatically… she said she noticed “a vas deferens”
47. did you hear about the new funny vasectomy doctor in town? his name is howie snippet- if you’re done having babies, he’ll fix it!
48. i tried to psych my buddy up before his vasectomy. “just think – once they cut your tubes, you’ll never have to worry about accidental kids ever again!” he laughed and said, “accidental? who said anything about accidental!?” i gulped and quickly changed the subject.
49. i don’t think it’s funny that you had a vasectomy; however, it’s hilarious that you thought you’d run a marathon the next day!
50. getting a vasectomy makes a vas deference.
51. did you hear about the surgeon who botched a vasectomy? he got the sack
52. what do you call a man with a vasectomy?a eunuch!
53. i had a vasectomy. did you know that it actually doesn’t prevent your wife from getting pregnant it just changes the color of the baby. or at least that’s what my mailman said.
54. i wasted my time on a vasectomy. all it does is change the color of the baby.
55. i got a vasectomy but my gf still got pregnant. apparently, all a vasectomy does is change the color of the baby.
56. i thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant….. turns out it just changes the color of the baby.
57. i got a vasectomy and my wife still doesn’t know it. i just dont have the balls to tell her.
58. a man went to the doctor for a vasectomy. the doctor told him that there would be some pain and he would need to take it easy for a few days. the man said that he could handle it.
59. my wife said :- you got vasectomy without even telling me . are you serious ? i said :- i am not kidding you .
60. i hope everything still works “down there”- good luck recovering from your vasectomy.
61. i went to the doctor to get a vasectomy. the doctor said, “this a really big decision you know. have you discussed it with your wife and kids?” i said, “yes, they’re in favor 14 to 3..”
62. what do a christmas tree and a vasectomy have in common? the balls are only ornamental, although important to the overall aesthetic.
63. cycling after a vasectomy: how long should you wait?
64. my buddy wouldn’t stop complaining about his vasectomy. “dude, they literally cut open your scrotum and mess with your tubes down there. what did you expect it to feel like?? a gentle tickle and a lollipop after?”
65. i got a vasectomy i was told it would keep her from getting pregnant, turns out all it does is change the color of the baby.

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