35 Wife Puns to Celebrate the Lighter Side of Saying ‘I Do’!

Wife puns often play on phrases related to marriage and a wife’s role. they involve the relationship dynamics between husband and wife.

Puns may reference arguing or disagreeing, with jokes about who gets the “last word.” Others focus on doing things to please the wife, like getting the “last two words” being “yes dear.” Physical affection is also a theme, with puns about embracing or jokes that turn phrases like “looking into it” into innuendo.

Emotions are another rich theme for wife puns. Puns play on phrases involving love, happiness, or attention between spouses. Sayings about a happy wife equaling a happy life become fodder for jokes.

These 35 Best Wife Puns draw humor from colloquialisms regarding marriage to cleverly twist meanings related to relationships.

35 Best Wife Puns

1. the wife tells her husband: “i think we should try this new sex pose“ husband: “i have a better fucking idea.“
2. my wife accused me of hating her family and relatives i replied, no, i don’t hate your relatives. in fact, i like your mother-in-law a lot better than i like mine.
3. maybe,” says the wizard, “can remember the exact words of the curse?” the man replies, “i pronounce you man and wife.
4. as my wife and i prepared for our garage sale, i came across a painting. looking at the back,
5. my wife keeps telling everyone that she can read their minds, but she never can. she’s telepathetic.
6. as aristotle said, “love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” but marriage is more like your wife inhabiting both bodies.
7. why did the husband buy his wife a trampoline? to bounce back from their problems.
8. my wife asked me to buy her a magazine. i asked her which one, and she said, “anything with diamonds on the cover.” so, i got her a national geographic with an article on conflict diamonds.
9. man: i haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. friend: why not? man: i don’t like to interrupt her.
10. why did the husband give his wife a watermelon? because he wanted to say, “you’re one in a melon!”
11. i was asking my wife for some work out tips, she suggested i try lunges i thought, that’s a big step.
12. my wife says she’s on a seafood diet. she sees food, and she cooks it for me.
13. wife: “i love you.” husband: “is that you talking or the wine?” wife: “it’s me talking to the wine.”
14. my wife told me, “you’re a better husband than i’ll ever be.” i responded, “who the hell is oliver b.??”
15. never laugh at your wife’s choices. you are one of them.
16. a friend of mine who’s works as a butcher, killed his wife’s secret lover. he was charged with man slaughter.
17. why did the husband buy his wife a vacuum for her birthday? because he wanted to suck up all her love.
18. what did the husband say when his wife asked if he’d still love her if she forgot their anniversary? “of course, dear, i’ll just remind you every day until you remember!”
19. when my wife and i argue, i always get the last word.they’re usually, “i’m sorry. you’re right.”
20. why did the husband serenade his wife with a guitar? because he wanted to string her along.
21. my wife and i were happy for twenty years. then we met.
22. one where the husband gives and one where the wife takes.
23. what did the alcoholic husband said to his wife whenwhen he returned home? i’m home beer
24. out of 
the blue, the wife says, “i love you.”
25. grooms, once you get married remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always remember to get the last two words in: “yes dear”.
26. my wife and i fought over the right way to hang the toilet paper. so, our therapist suggested we try the other person’s way for a week. you know, “roll reversal.”
27. what did the husband say when his wife asked if he loved her more than football? “of course, dear, but you know the season hasn’t started yet!”
28. “that’s the whole story?” my wife asked incredulously.
29. why did the wife bring a fishing rod to their picnic? she wanted to catch her husband’s attention.
30. my wife got a hair cut, earrings, airpods, and makeup after she got a raise at work. all that money really went to her head.
31. darth vader found his new wife near the stairs… her name is ellie vader
32. my wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use. i told her i’d look into it.
33. i told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. she embraced me.
34. “they say a happy wife equals a happy life. so, groom, make sure you always have a smile on your face and an extra cup of coffee for your bride.”
35. marriage is all about compromise. for example, my wife wants a cat, and i want a dog, so we compromise and get a cat.

Feel free to add your puns using the comments section below.